chessandpoker
05-20-2007, 05:44 PM
Here's a quick Ten Step tutorial on how to be awesome at bowling:
1. Stare at the pins. Intensely. Making them want to fall down...out of fear.
2. Think to yourself, "Strike baby. Here comes a strike." DO NOT think about eating bowling alley hotdogs.
3. Begin your approach. Maintain intense stare. Release the ball. Admire it rolling, with hopeful thoughts. End your stroke with a graceful turn of the hand upward, like you just strummed a harp or just delivered the final note of an opera.
4. If you get a strike, it is mandatory fist pumping time, followed quickly by high-fives, one for each of your lesser opponents who did not throw a strike. The men admire you, the women...desire.
5. No strike? Complain about "new oil patterns" f'n up your typically awesome game. It's so true.
6. Three strikes in a row is known as a Turkey. Should you achieve the vaunted Turkey, etiquette states it is mandatory to proclaim this fact quite loudly. Example: "Yeah!!!! Turkey baby, YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH" You are so money.
7. When it is not your turn, you must observe your opponents technique. Are they doing something differently that you can add to your arsenal, like.....um....well there must be something else you can do besides just rolling the ball. This is a skill game people.
8. As you enjoy your popcorn and other sports refreshments, remember that that the finger-holes of your ball contain large amount of fecal matter. Heh, I said finger-holes.
9. Take your game to the next level, assuming it's possible, and learn to do the curvy spin-thingy roll. That's some crazy voodoo.
10. Finally, when the unthinkable happens...Gutterball...make sure to immediately redeem your awesomeness by reminding your group how dominant you are at skeeball. Mad tickets, yo.
:p
1. Stare at the pins. Intensely. Making them want to fall down...out of fear.
2. Think to yourself, "Strike baby. Here comes a strike." DO NOT think about eating bowling alley hotdogs.
3. Begin your approach. Maintain intense stare. Release the ball. Admire it rolling, with hopeful thoughts. End your stroke with a graceful turn of the hand upward, like you just strummed a harp or just delivered the final note of an opera.
4. If you get a strike, it is mandatory fist pumping time, followed quickly by high-fives, one for each of your lesser opponents who did not throw a strike. The men admire you, the women...desire.
5. No strike? Complain about "new oil patterns" f'n up your typically awesome game. It's so true.
6. Three strikes in a row is known as a Turkey. Should you achieve the vaunted Turkey, etiquette states it is mandatory to proclaim this fact quite loudly. Example: "Yeah!!!! Turkey baby, YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH" You are so money.
7. When it is not your turn, you must observe your opponents technique. Are they doing something differently that you can add to your arsenal, like.....um....well there must be something else you can do besides just rolling the ball. This is a skill game people.
8. As you enjoy your popcorn and other sports refreshments, remember that that the finger-holes of your ball contain large amount of fecal matter. Heh, I said finger-holes.
9. Take your game to the next level, assuming it's possible, and learn to do the curvy spin-thingy roll. That's some crazy voodoo.
10. Finally, when the unthinkable happens...Gutterball...make sure to immediately redeem your awesomeness by reminding your group how dominant you are at skeeball. Mad tickets, yo.
:p